Sapiosexuality: What do you need to know about it?

February 1, 2022

What Is Sapiosexuality and How You Can Make Yourself Attractive to One

What is sapiosexuality? It is a fairly new term in the world of sexual attraction, so many don’t yet know about it. The word itself has Latin origins, with the root word being “sapiens,” that is, “wise.” The other part, “sexualis,” obviously means “sexual.” But what does this mean exactly? And, how can you make yourself attractive to a sapiosexual person? Let’s find out. 

What Is a Sapiosexual Person?

Certain people are sexually attracted to certain parts of the body. For sapiosexuals, in particular, it is the brain. As in the intelligence of the person they interact with. They are aroused by displays of intelligence more than the outer appearances of the people.

Furthermore, anyone who has a deep love of knowledge more than the rest of the body or personality can be a sapiosexual. This includes members of the LGBTQIA+ community as well as heterosexuals. It is the personality and deep conversations that draw them in and keep them interested.  

However, the level of intelligence a sapiosexual is attracted to depends on the individual. So, you learning all the facts about something may not be a turn-on for them if it is a topic they are not interested in. For example, a sapiosexual may prefer emotional intelligence over trivia. Or they may be attractive to someone who is really into movies as much as they are. 

Finding common ground is key to any relationship. You do not have to be a “big brain know-it-all” to be attractive. All you need to do is know a lot about their interests and be willing to learn and engage in deep conversations. And sapiosexuals can be sexually active, but again it depends on the individual.  

Who Do Sapiosexual People Like the Most?

A person who is drawn to intelligence loves to have deep conversations where they can discuss important topics and interests to them. They are not fans of small talk that much. Furthermore, they like people who are willing to learn, think, question, and debate.  

A sapiosexual person is not as interested in the physical appearance of their partner as long as they can philosophize and entertain many ideas. The willingness to learn something new or to explore ideas, theories, etc., is a huge turn-on for them. Therefore, it would be safe to say that they are looking for someone also interested in learning.   

However, a sapiosexual person does not only need a conversation partner. They can also be attractive to an active listener. A person who may not talk their ear off can still hit the nail on the head with one sentence. Again, sapiosexuals are individuals; equating them all is not a wise idea. 

Another aspect of attraction is how their potential partners handle their own emotions. They like people who rationalize their feelings by not letting the emotions take over, resulting in them going off the deep end or exploding. 

One very important aspect of dating a sapiosexual — well, this applies to everyone — is that you are your true self with them. Do not pretend to be smarter than you are or to speak big in an attempt to impress them. They, and anyone else, will see through it. 

Things Not to Do with a Sapiosexual Person

Since willingness to learn can be a big turn-on for sapiosexuals, unwillingness to do the same is one of the things not to do with a sapiosexual person. There can be other things that you should avoid if you wish to date a person who values intellect a lot, a lot more than anything else. Such as: 


  • Using bad grammar while chatting.
  • Pushing them to be a genius. 
  • Staying clear of cultural monuments, workshops, lectures, tours, galleries, etc. 
  • Letting them win at board/video games. They would like the challenge and to see how you think as well as play.
  • Bringing them to a noisy place, i.e., a nightclub, if they are not interested in it.
  • Pretending to be smarter than you are.
  • Demining them due to their prefaces. 

When dating a sapiosexual person, the best way to treat them as if they are just a person that likes deep, meaningful conversations. That should be a standard. Therefore, do not overthink it, and improve your listening skills as well as your willingness to learn. Sapiosexuals like to share knowledge. Hence, their desire for debates and learning new things. 

Some Famous Sapiosexuals

Yes, there are famous, real-life sapiosexuals, such as Marlène Schiappa, the French equality minister, or the author George Eliot (according to reports, an ex-lover at the time described her as “morbidly intellectual”). 

However, there are more well-known fictional characters that you may have read about but had no idea they were sapiosexuals. Just think of Holden from “Catcher in the Rye.”  

There are moments in the novel where Holden interacts with women but without the draw of physical intimacy and sex. He is more interested in making conversations as well as sharing emotional burdens. Another fictional character that fits the terms is Sherlock Holmes. While his romantic connections are minor, there is one woman that is smart enough to impress and outwit him: Irene Adler.  

For the men, an example of a sapiosexual woman in films is Belle from “Beauty and the Beast.” This book-smart woman only began to give the beast a chance when he showed his intelligence through literature instead of his strength like Gaston. Belle is the perfect example of how not being a “know it all” and having knowledge in at least one aspect (in this case, literature) is a turn-on for sapiosexuals. 

How to Turn On a Sapiosexual

When it comes to turning on a sapiosexual, you would have to use a different type of foreplay. One of the ways is to talk to them in detail about your foreplay plans, even your fantasies. Also, speak about how they generally make you feel.  


Another important aspect is taking into account what they are interested in. If they are more into TV shows, then line up one for you two to watch together. If you want to get freaky, you can also pick something new in the same area to show that you are trying to lead them to new knowledge. You can also try reading to them, playing a board game with a twist that you made up.   


The idea is to put effort into showing your intelligence and even your creativity if they are into that. The way to their bed is by using what you have outside of your body, both literally and metaphorically. If they have a favorite podcast, give it a listen with them and open up a discussion. You can even pretend to host your own as a type of role-playing. Furthermore, you can do a project with them, like writing a short story or sharing ideas for one. 


This may be a long-haul foreplay plan, but you will learn what they like, and they will also learn what you are into. At the start, it may take a while, but with time you will get a list going, which can make it easier for both of you. But never stop learning with them! A big turn-on can also be for them to teach you something. 

Final Note

Dating a sapiosexual is just putting your intelligence at the forefront while being yourself. There is no secret formula to winning them over as with any other type of person. Take a deep breath, find common interests, and send them a text. You never know till you try, and no list of facts about sapiosexuality can beat first-hand experience!

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